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Relationship advice:

Lee's Blog:

So may letters and so much good advice. I think we need a chat page. Stay tuned!! This weeks topics are sure to intrigue. Do you want to be coupled? A serious topic "To Do" or to “Stay Undone”

Have you ever felt dumped before you were able to get started. In love with someone that doesn't love you: We have all felt the pain of our second topic "Going unnoticed – unrequited love":

A member wrote: Talking about your next topic Marriage vs. Defacto: One argument for pairing up at all is supposed to be that married people live longer. However I think that the following holds true.

Most people pair off at some point, post 40 is no exception... but most of those pairings don't work! There would be certain characteristics that make people more likely to sustain a relationship to and through marriage (health, emotional stability, communication skills). I think there is definitely an element of the people who are going to live longer anyway ending up in marriages.

And maybe it's not so much that marriage is good for you, but that heartbreak, disillusionment and loss are bad for you? Well said.

Having researched the difference between Marriage and Defacto well all I can say is that the difference is not legal. The difference is on your perception of the quality of your relationship. If you feel that you have it all without the Certificate and you both believe this to be true then why marry? Somehow I still have the strong feeling that public commitment has a value. What it is I am not sure but somehow it appears to authenticate a relationship. Like comparing a diamond with a sapphire. One may lack the lustre. What do you think? Write to Lee at: triplefclub@gmail.com Cheryl asked the following: What can you do when someone you love does not love you back? We all had that broken heart. Someone at primary school who did not notice you at recess. At high school, someone you hoped would notice you but your eyes never locked. You spent dreamy days pondering the “if only” rather than uselessly squandering waste less moments on study chores. Nothing drains a dreamers self worth and extinguishes hope that we are worth loving quite as efficiently as falling in love with someone who doesn’t return your longing to be loved. I was once crazy about a boy who at our school fancy dress party dressed as a matchbox with Red Heads endorsed on the cover. I realized very quickly that it was because I was blonde that he didn’t want to light my fire. His pimples could not put out my flame. His shortness and inability to satisfy his parents and teachers as a studious scholar did not matter. I was in “love”. I still recall the amount of time I spent gazing at him. Of course he never knew. He was supposed to be a mind reader and of course I was rejected and felt all the pain that defies gravity. That emotional dumping. First rejection teaches us that love can be painful.

Why do some people desire the unattainable. The married man or woman that you are in love with that is going to leave their spouse, but never does. The girl or guy with the rock star good looks. Nothing else will do. I read recently “Being in love with someone who is unavailable is like being stuck at an airport terminal, without ever getting a seat on a plane.”

Unrequited love may rob you of all the excitement and happiness that real love provides. You may miss shared holidays, family days, emotional communication, intimate moments, giving and receiving and most of all just being with that person and basking in their warmth.

Why do we do it? Why go there when you no that it is a waste of time, physical energy and is emotionally draining? Robbing you of “contentment”. “Perhaps it is the unconsummated nature of unrequited love that makes it so attractive, especially for perfectionists or those terrified by the exposure of real intimacy”. It says more about us than it does about the object of our desire. The ability to stay in fantasy. Never having to endure the toilet seat left up. The toothpaste lid that cannot find its home.

No matter how much we believe that we will never move on from our “dream lover” or that person who you simply can’t have the heart has a certain elasticity. It learns to be flexible and adapts to the new.

If we consumed those lost hours learning self love then we would be in a position to choose those that can love in return. “Self love in never unreciprocated”. Have your say: Write to Lee at triplefclub@gmail.com Want to improve your self worth. Want more success in a relationship: Contact Lee Cassidy for an appointment 0488404040. All appointments are confidential.

 

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